Oh Mom

Two stories about my mom:

1. About a year (or maybe less) ago my mother was out walking her dog Tessa. Tessa is a miniature pincer that my mom inherited when she married my step father. So, as they're taking a leisurely stroll down the street someone else's dog come running out of nowhere and attacks Tessa. The other dog was big and angry and mean. My mom couldn't reach down and get in between to dogs with bared teeth who were trying to kill each other so what did she do? She ran inside to get something to fight this other dog off of poor Tessa. And the first thing she finds is... a grilling fork. You might be thinking right now, What good is a grilling fork going to do? I mean, I guess you could smack the dog with it or something right? Not if you're my mom. In her panic she just ran at this dog and stabbed it with a grilling fork. Yeah I said it. She STABBED a dog. Right in the side. She quickly scooped Tessa up, carried into the house and rushed back out to see if the dog was okay. (She was pretty mortified about what had just happened.) But the other dog had gone away already and my mom was just left completely freaked out. (You would be too I'm sure).

2. Skip ahead to Wednesday: As I'm driving to a college fair my mom calls me sobbing. Tessa just got ran over. For the first time in her 12 years of dog life she had run out into the road and had immediately been hit. The family who hit her (bless their hearts it was a horrible accident) ran up to the house to tell my mom. Again ask yourself so what did she do? My mother tried to resuscitate her dog. Seriously, mouth to snout, chest compressions, everything. After failing to resuscitate sweet Tessa she called my step dad who told her to just leave Tessa by the back steps and he'd bury her when he got home (Rick's had Tessa since she was a baby so he was super upset but he works at Dude Central aka a garage so he waited until he got home to cry like a baby). But of course, my mother wasn't just going to leave Tessa outside so instead she brought her inside, wrapped her in blankets (because she was cold) and laid her in her dog bed.

Now you might be thinking whoa Amber, you're mom is a crazy lady. Well that's true, she is. But all this also makes me realize how much she'll do for the people (or pets) she loves. I'm pretty lucky for that.


Sustainability! Seriously, this is a cool opportunity...

Okay, so you know how we all sit around and complain about the way the government works? Oh and you know how we have representatives in Congress that are supposed to vote for what we as the people of their state support but then sometimes they get a little distracted by glory and money and whatnot? Okay, well now is your chance to actually be heard. How you ask? In a few simple steps you too can be a citizen who changes things!

1. Head on over to Change.org and look through the ideas presented there.

2. After picking 10 ideas that you like, vote on them!

3. Make sure you do it today because it's the last day to vote!

4. Sit back and watch as the government bows down before you.

Okay, so maybe step 4 is a bit exaggerated, but the really cool thing about all of this is that these ideas will get presented to Barack Obama's administration tomorrow! Then, these ideas will start being put into effect by various non-profit groups across the country! We're talking real, tangible change here people.

There are plenty of ideas in many different areas that you can vote on. And you've got to think, the more people that vote the more attention the Obama administration will pay to it. So what are you waiting for? GO!


My Worst Nightmare

Alright, maybe the title is a little dramatic, but I was terrified. What, you ask, could strike fear deep into my heart on a calm Sunday morning? TAKING CARE OF THE NURSERY. (Insert doom music here).

A lot of people think I don't like children. Sometimes that's true, like when they are sticky/drooling/sweaty/screaming. Other times I think they are super cute but the problem is I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH CHILDREN! I'm an only child. I've never changed a diaper, I've never held a small baby, I babysat one time and one of the children ran away. No one should trust me with their children because I am clueless.

So what did I do when precious old woman #1 asks me to watch the "nursery" during church? I said yes and then immediately thought "What the crap are you doing?!" Could she not see fear on my face? Luckily for me there were only 3 kids in the nursery and two of them were these precious children:

So with the help of my good friend Nate I was able to make it through with no complete disasters. All the kids retained their fingers and toes, none of them cried, and I didn't walk away smelling like chewed up animal crackers (you know that smell!) so that must mean it was a success!

But seriously, unless it's an absolute emergency never let me watch your kids. Maybe next time the church asks me to do this I can fake being sick or something... is lying in church really that bad if it's for other people's protection?


Why I make people cower in fear

I have a problem. Oh, what's that you say? Is my problem that I neglect my blog and don't write anything for over a week? No. I mean, yes that's a problem but not the one I'm referring to. My problem (or at least one of the many) is what my BFF's refer to as "a voice inflection issue".

What does that mean? Sometimes it means that I just say things oddly. Like Chandler on Friends. You know how he put emphasis on the wrong words in a sentence: (fast forward to the 2:50 mark for the example made by Joey)

Okay well I do that. I say things weird. It's a voice inflection issue. You can decide for yourself where it comes from.

But sometimes my voice inflection issue is a bit more of a problem than that. You see sometimes I have trouble controlling the volume and tone of my voice. I have had people tell me that I have sounded mean or angry or condescending when I have no clue that's how I sounded. I think it's because I get very nervous during any sort of confrontational moment (people who know me may be surprised by this considering that I don't flee from confrontation). Some people avoid confrontation but I get uncontrollably loud and angry sounding. I've said before that I am extremely passionate and opinionated about everything. However, when given the appropriate setting I can also be very articulate. I have good reasons for my opinions. If you were to ask me what I thought about an issue or to write a paper or give a presentation on something I could do so easily. But in the heat of the moment when I disagree with someone it's like my vocal chords pirate my brain and take over and I am left to watch in horror.

So for anyone I offend, please know that I am usually not offended by most things that people say, I am fully aware that we have different opinions and that's perfectly fine and I don't ever expect you to agree with me, nor am I trying to convince you to do so. You don't need to defend yourself or apologize to me for your opinions. But also please know that my vocal chords have taken control of my and are wreaking havoc on the world. I apologize and I'm trying to tame them.

Welcome to the world of a woman with a voice inflection issue, not an angry bitch.

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